


Between Crimson and Violet

by Caedmon



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Clint Feels, Drabble, F/M, Natasha Feels, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha-centric, So much angst, Tahiti, Tumblr Prompt, brief allusion to suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha copes with losing Clint to a farmhouse in Iowa.</p><p>From a tumblr prompt: <i>The "deep, rich shade between crimson and violet" (that's the definition of purple according to wikipedia</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Crimson and Violet

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things to know going into this fic:  
> 1) I only accept about 30% of AoU as canon. Natasha adoring Bruce and Clint's surprise marriage is part of the 70%.  
> 2) I'm a firm supporter of the 'Clint was TAHITI'd' headcanon.  
> 3) I have no clue how this got so angsty. Seriously. I'm in a silly mood, but somehow spit this out.  
> 4) There is a 5-6 word allusion to Clint being suicidal in here. 
> 
> Okay, now the usual.  
> I own nothing but the misteaks (I swear, that's my favorite joke in the world.)  
> Kudos and comments keep me going. They really do. I'm like a dancing monkey that way.  
> Send me prompts! clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com _or_ caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

Natasha stroked the fabric of his uniform, perched on the edge of the bed they used to share, her head bowed and the shirt in her hand. She caressed the material, her thumb gliding over the purple swatch. The fabric had been engineered especially for SHIELD agents to be durable but protective, but the purple fabric was particular to him. 

Only Hawkeye wore that color. It was his, and his alone. His signature.

He was happier now, she knew that. But the loss of him, the knowledge that he would never be hers again, was an agony that she’d never anticipated when she’d gone to Fury and convinced him to put Clint through the TAHITI program. Cognitively, she’d known what was coming. She’d thought she was prepared to see him in the little farmhouse with the busted tractor in the drafty barn: the simple life he’d wanted for them that he’d always rambled about late at night when he held her close in their bed, the bed she was currently sitting on, so long ago when their legs had tangled and their skin cooled after love.

He had that life now, and she knew that he was happy. The dreams that had tortured him after Loki were gone, that bastard god finally expunged from his mind. Natasha had tried everything to soothe him. Every avenue had been exhausted, every path explored, and still the archer walked the halls of the tower, haunted and tormented by a deity a universe away. The other Avengers had tried to help as well but Clint’s suffering could not be eased and when he began saying things that indicated more than a passive desire to go to sleep and never wake up, a desperate Natasha had turned to the last possible resort, knowing that it would mean the loss of almost everything she’d ever cared about.

It had saved his life, so it was worth it. But it had stolen the light out of her life. 

The doctors at SHIELD were skilled and had manipulated his memory so that he remembered certain things, believed certain things and forgot certain things. They had created his mind to be just what they wanted him to be, just what Natasha had gone to Fury and asked for. He believed he was married to Laura and had two children. He believed he had a farm. He remembered he was an Avenger and retained all of his archery skills. 

He forgot the extent of his involvement with Loki, forgot all of the destruction he had caused. He forgot what he had been ordered to do to Natasha. He forgot that Natasha was his wife and the life that they had shared. He believed Natasha was his best friend.

But he was still an Avenger, he had his farm and new wife, his best friend. _He’s happier now, so much happier_ , Natasha reminded herself constantly.

He still showed up to Avengers tower and cracked jokes with his team. He still put on his uniform, the one with the deep, rich shade between crimson and violet across the chest and proved himself over and over as the best marksman in the world, a vital member of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. 

And Natasha, strong and resilient, watched dismally over and over as her husband, the only man she had ever loved, flew to his new home in Iowa. Into the arms of the agent he believed was his wife who carried his child and the children he believed were already his. Natasha visited when she couldn't stand being away from him another minute and rubbed Laura’s belly, smiling when the kids called her ‘Auntie Nat’ because if Clint remembered the truth, it could kill him. 

But for now, in the quiet of her room, she didn’t have to be strong. Natasha stroked the fabric of his uniform, sitting on the bed they used to share, the place they lay together and dreamed of the life he now had, and watched as the purple under her fingers darkened when a tear splashed beside her thumb.


End file.
